Are you in a relationship where you’re constantly feeling unsure and worrying? do you know deep down that you should be treated better, but you find yourself making excuses for him? are you unhappy with the way things are but keep hoping that things will get better? if that sounds like you, then you have to read this article.
When you want a full relationship, these common dating situations are difficult to acknowledge and even harder to accept, but too many people get caught up and stuck in these situations. It’s frustrating because they end up wasting so much time and energy over analyzing everything, making excuses for, and justifying their partner’s bad behaviors, and hoping things are going to get better over time. You go back and forth between questioning if you’re expecting too much out of this young relationship or if you deserve better.
Well, if you’re experiencing these following signs, it’s probably time for you to forget what you’re feeling and remember what you deserve.
1. He only makes plans that are convenient for him
In other words, he doesn’t go out of his way to see you. A guy who likes you and wants you, will make efforts to show you how special you are to him, and actions speak louder than words here. A man could tell you anything he wants, but if he’s not willing to put in the effort to go out of his way to show you how special you are, well, then something is wrong. What do I mean by going out of his way? Well, he comes to your side of town to pick you up, he makes efforts to plan dates in advance rather than call you at the last minute to see if you want to hang out, he remembers the details of your schedule, and he makes himself available during these times when you are free, and he offers to do things for you when he can.
When in a relationship, we communicate simultaneously on at least two levels; what we say and what we do. Usually a person’s verbal and actual behaviors convey the same message, but when there are inconsistencies in communication where a person may say one thing, but act on another, then we have problems. These mixed messages make a person difficult to understand and harder to trust. If he’s into you, he will do whatever he can to make sure he sees you, and spends time with you even when it’s not perfectly convenient for him. He lets you know that you are a priority.
2. He makes excuses instead of making time
No matter how busy a person is, they either make time for you or they make excuses for you. If you or your relationship is important and a high priority, they will find the time or make the time for you, and if they don’t make the time, your relationship just might not be a priority, perhaps they’re focused on doing well in college and getting into graduate school or maybe they’ve just started a new career and are super focused on work leaving little time for anything else. Those things are understandable and maybe even admirable, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right for you.
I know there was a period not so long ago that I felt super busy with work and family obligations, and during that time, I didn’t date at all, not a single date. I didn’t have time and more importantly, I just didn’t feel like putting in the effort to meet and date anyone. So, i didn’t want any dates at all for a year and a half. Instead I focused on myself, my family and my work. If i were to have met someone amazing during that period, i’m sure i would have appeared to be not that into them.
If you’re dating a person who is super busy, and not make you a high priority, understand that it’s not a reflection of you. Don’t question whether you’re good enough. When someone is super focus on a goal, they might even be afraid that a relationship will hurt their chances of accomplishing their goals, and when that happens, they will most definitely be afraid of getting too involved or attached to anyone. If you like a man that is unavailable or otherwise, you’re putting yourself at high risk for being used and hurt. Remember, a relationship might be the last thing he wants.
3. He tells you he’s not ready for a relationship
This is a popular one that both men and women use when they’re not into someone or they say that they’re not ready for a commitment, because they’re afraid of being hurt again. Certainly, it’s appropriate to learn from our experiences and to be cautious with our heart. At the same time, when you meet that one special person who turn your world upside down, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep that person in your life. Whatever fears you might have won’t come close to the fear of losing the one you really love.
If a guy is telling you up front, i’m not ready for a relationship, that’s the same thing as saying i don’t want a relationship. So, avoid making excuses and fooling yourself into believing that you can wait it out or wait for him to change his mind. Move forward and find someone who’s on the same page as you are. In the end, you’ll be happy that you did.
4. He gets defensive when talking about the relationship
When a person is interested in you and wants you, they are thinking of the possibility of a future with you. So, if you bring up the topic at a reasonable time, not in the first date, it should be a welcome topic to discuss, or at the very least he should be interested in addressing your concerns and understanding your feelings. If you aren’t happy with your situation and you want to discuss it, defensiveness is the last thing you should be getting from him, but if that’s not the case, certainly, you should be questioning whether or not he’s really into you.
Moreover, it’s normal to have that conversation too, don’t let anyone cause you question your right to feel a certain way or want questions answered. Making fun of or ridiculing someone for wanting to have a relationship conversation, is simply a technique used to avoid having the conversation. If someone does that, it’s the clearest sign that you need to be done with him. So, you see the writing on the wall, you’re seeing signs that are troublesome and you know you deserve better, now what? well keep reading, because this is the important stuff.
What I see so many women do, they dismissed the signs, they dismiss what their gut instincts are telling them, and they dismiss what the guy just told them. Instead they believe it’s just a matter of time until the guy falls for them and wants to be committed. Instead of recognizing that they’re on different pages, some people become more motivated and try even harder. It’s like they want him even more when he says he doesn’t want a relationship, but why? why people refuse to accept the fact that someone doesn’t want a relationship with them, or that someone isn’t into them? Well, it’s because people deeply personalized romantic rejection to the point of attaching their value and self-worth to whether or not a person is interested and wants them. When you do that, you give away your power and rely on the validation of a man to tell you that you’re good enough.
Let me repeat that; when your self-worth and values attached to whether or not some guy wants a relationship with you, you give up all of your power, hoping to get validation from him. So, if he isn’t interested you start to question yourself and ask what’s wrong with me?
think about it this way, this is a person who hasn’t known you very long. It’s just a person you went out for a few dates with, or several days. They don’t know you or your values, and your value and worth have nothing to do with his perception of you, good or bad. So, take your power back and trust the process. If you two are meant to be together, there is nothing that will keep you apart, but even if you are really into him and he isn’t into you, trust that it is meant to be for your wellbeing as well as for his. It’s not personal, it says absolutely nothing about your value as a human being, how lovable you are, or whether or not you will ever find Mister right.
Giving your power away by basing your worth on someone else’s opinion of you, will always create emotional suffering, but when you shift into what you want instead of whether or not someone wants you, you gain so much freedom, and you move forward with confidence. Never say, but I want him or i love him. In the end, do you really want someone who doesn’t appreciate your value and want you more than anything?
New relationship should be exciting and passionate and easy. When you really like someone, you want them to know how valuable and important the relationship is, and you want to know that your feelings are reciprocated. That is exactly how you should be treated in return, but what if it isn’t so great? what if your beloved isn’t really a supportive and loving friend? what if they aren’t the person that you can’t wait to share your day with? one of the person your attached to, is also the source of so much of your frustration and anguish? or the person for whom you decided not to pursue an education or career goal? does that mean you’re settling? i mean, i joke about settling being something the pilgrims did in the sixteen-twenties, but people are still doing it today.
Instead of settling and being unhappy, pay attention to your inner voice, your gut instincts, move away and stay strong. Perhaps the worst thing about settling is a missed opportunity. The perfect person for you might pass you by and marry someone else since, you’re married to the one you settled for. Next time you consider settling in a relationship that will never meet your expectations for love, remember this, someone you haven’t even met, is daydreaming about what it would be like to date a person exactly like you. Don’t settle for anything less. Remember, you might miss the opportunity to meet the right person, if you’re busy waiting, wondering and worrying about this relationship.